Speeding Up CFDirectory in Coldfusion

April 6, 2018

In which I tangle with a poorly-programmed <cfdirectory> implementation and win.

TL;DR: Don't use <cfdirectory>, it's slow! But if you have to, use listinfo="name" so coldfusion only returns the file names, not other unnecessary attributes.

Beginning a phone call

February 23, 2018

What's worse - "Hey, uh, I can't acess the server" or "Hello. It's down again!" ? They're both equally bad ways to start a professional phone conversation. Read on!

How I Began Web Dev

February 3, 2018

The room was dark in the cold morning before everyone was up. Dad was in the cozy cloth swivel chair, while I stood beside him asking question after question about the code I saw in front of me. Dad explained how the code we saw on the screen was not the same code which the computer would execute - to do this, he explained binary language and machine language. I was six years old.

Captain Joe Schooner, Part Two

September 24, 2017

Captain Joe Schooner has brilliantly survived a keelhauling and come out on top, with him and First Mate Joshua Willoughby wielding daggers. The pirate captain Harpoon Chuck advances on Captain Joe with a sword in his hand and brotherly rivalry in his eyes, while Captain Joe challenges him to a sword match for freedom or piracy.

Captain Joe Schooner, Part One

September 24, 2017

Joe Schooner, merchant captain aboard the Good Hope, finds himself being keelhauled by the greedy pirates who captured his ship.